How do I know that I love you? Is loving you a pull in my heart that I would always feel? Is it the smile on my face when I remember you? Is it wanting to be with you, the anxiety I feel whenever the clock reaches 5PM and I know that you’ll be leaving your office to see me? I’m afraid that I might only think that I love you. That I’ve convinced my heart that what I should feel for you is love. What is the measure of love? What are its parameters? Can it be defined? Is it a consuming feeling that envelopes a person’s whole being? Is it an ache I feel when I don’t see you? Is it the frustration I feel when I don’t hear from you? And when you do call, is it the butterflies in my stomach? My mind is capable of convincing my heart to feel all of these things. My heart has been aching for a love that my mind has learned to manipulate my heart into thinking that I do love you. If that is the case, then what I’m feeling is not love. It is a mere state of mind, a fulfillment of my needs, the void my heart has felt for many years. But isn’t love a feeling that fills the heart to the brim, an overwhelming sense of coming home. Then I’m more afraid because I don’t know if it is truly love that I feel for you. But then again, should love be something that I should think of? Isn’t love, more than anything else, an emotion to be felt? I don’t want to say I love you and have doubts if it is my mind that is speaking or my heart. What I know for certain is that I miss holding your hand; I miss kissing your lips, I long to embrace your warm body. I want to stare into your eyes and smile whenever you break eye contact. And I tease you for doing so. I don’t know if I love you. But maybe I do.
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