You Anchor Me

Why am I attracted to you? Is it your salt-and-pepper hair, coy smile, the confidence you exude, the nonchalance by which you meet my advances? You’re older, I know. You look at me and you see a player. Indeed, I am. Or rather, I used to be. I know all the tricks, all the lines, where to put my hands, when to speak, when to shut up. And yet, such games have lost their appeal. Their charm has faded with time.

Am I in love with you? I don’t know. But I want to find out. It may seem to you that time is passing you by. Precisely the reason why you’re looking for someone who will settle down with you. Are you afraid to gamble? To risk your precious time in something that is uncertain? But what is certain in life? Death and taxes. Change.

Time spent with someone is better than time spent alone. It may not work, it is a possibility. However, by the time you’re sixty, I’ll be fifty. And I’d still be holding your hand. I’d steal kisses whenever no one is looking. You’d sleep wrapped around my arms. I’ll be the last person you see before you sleep. And you’ll be the first person I’ll see when I wake up. Growing old doesn’t seem bad after all.

We are dancing. We know the steps. I pursue you, you withdraw. I do not yield and you leave some space to keep me going. You pursue me, I am flattered. You ask for assurance, I smile.

So this is love. Or maybe falling in love. I feel so out of my skin, out of my comfort zone. I feel like a kite being swayed by the wind, lost in the sky but hoping that a tug would pull me back. You make me feel uncertain. This is all new to me. My mind cannot keep up. For once, my heart is taking the lead. Your smile arrests my restlessness. Your glance pierces my soul. Your voice stirs my slumbering soul. I am consumed by you, by the thought of you.

And yet you keep your silence.